With the Hands of Uncertainty
by CavalierQueen
Summary: Greg Parker sits in a darkened debriefing room remembering the day of his greatest betrayal. Can he save himself from drowning in guilt and repair the tapestry of his team so they are even stronger than before, saving them and finding forgiveness?
1. Chapter 1

**With the Hands of Uncertainty**

**A/N: Spoilers for 'Personal Effects.' Don't Own 'Flashpoint,' but if I did, I'd kick some CBS butt and have them quit messing with the US line-up of this show. I thought the entire episode was stellar, one of the best, but Enrico Colantoni's performance, especially his expression at the end was especially touching in an often poignant series. This story is inspired from that singular expression. How far it goes depends on how much interest there is. The song below sets the tone of the whole story. Greg/Team/Dr. Luria centric.**

_Stitch in your knitted brow  
>And you don't know how<br>You're gonna get it out  
>Crushed under heavy chest<br>Trying to catch your breath  
>But it always beats you by a step, all right now<br>Making the best of it  
>Playing the hand you get<br>You're not alone in this  
>There's hope for the hopeless.<em>

_~Hope for the Hopeless, A Fine Frenzy_

"I'm clearing your team for duty," Toth said.

Parker tried not to let a sigh of relief escape, and was sure not to show anything in his face. This man would be looking and would use that against him. "Thank you," Parker said softly and began to turn away.

"Conditionally."

Parker felt his heart jump and took a second before turning slowly back to Toth. "Conditionally?" he repeated softly.

He immediately began shooting off demands like bullets. "Wordsworth gets a full medical ASAP. Scarlatti, decision about his commitment to the team. Julianna Callaghan and Sam Braddock, if their relationship crosses the line again violating the priority of life code it will result in immediate disciplinary measures, reassignment to different teams and for you. They are in your command and you are responsible. I'll be watching you. You need to draw the line between being their friend and being their Sargent."

Parker's eyes hadn't left Toth's, he hadn't flinched under the harsh words, the extreme measures that had been outlined for himself and his team if they weren't absolutely perfect.

Two hours later he sat alone in the debriefing room, the words on the transcript just a blur on the page, his mind back on Toth's words, on what he'd seen at the hospital, on what he knew was coming.

Wordy did have a problem. Greg had known his scores had gone down, but they were still within what they had to be. He had been unaware of the shaking though. That created a dangerous situation for the team. His marksmanship was down. What if his hands went weak when they were trying to break through something or lower someone down? The situation was intolerable, but they would have to see what the medical came back with. Surely it wasn't something serious.

He'd not known that Spike wasn't speaking to his dad…hadn't spoken to him since Lew was killed. How long ago was that? Months. He didn't know his dad was dying and his dad was holding Spike's job hostage for his love. Toth was right, it did affect Spike's commitment to the team. There was no way it couldn't. As much as he thought he knew his team, he guessed they might know each other better than he knew them.

Ed was in surgery, facing possible nerve damage in his arm or hand that could take him out of commission for some time, maybe permanently. Then of course, there was still Sophie's ultimatum, the family or the job. He'd almost lost Sophie and the baby today. It hadn't been clear cut before as much as Ed seemed to think it would all work out. It sure as hell wasn't going to be easy now, not after such close calls.

Ed was the TL, held the team together, well respected, and was his tactical go-to guy. Sam could take on the tactical, Parker had already seen him naturally step into that role. He was a natural leader. When he gave directions, the others followed without question. He hadn't been with the team long, but he was already stepping into the role as Ed's second. It didn't hurt he was the best shot, either.

But there was that lingering problem with Sam. Jules. He'd seen Sam take Jules' hand for that split second before she reluctantly pulled away and went to the baby. He'd been there when Sam all but admitted to Toth that he still loved her, that he would continue a relationship with her if he could.

Jules. Jules was damn near perfect. Great shot. Repelled better than almost everyone on the team. Great negotiator. She was consistently his second on every negotiation. But then there was Sam. She was less forthcoming, less obvious, but she loved him too.

Greg put his head in his hands and rubbed his bald forehead back and forth as if to rub away the memories of the day, the images, the words, the pain he had caused people he loved. He did love them. Another thing Toth had been right about, he was no longer objective. He'd been more of a father, more of a friend to them, overlooking too much.

The guilt of his betrayal of his team, bringing in an outsider, especially someone as brutal as Toth to do their annual evaluation was crushing his heart, he couldn't breathe he hurt so bad for the pain he had caused them. And they knew. Some like Jules would always believe he'd had a reason. And others' like Ed might never forgive him.

A/N: More to come if there is enough interest. I'd like to explore Greg's guilt and the choices the team members end up making.


	2. Chapter 2

**With the Hands of Uncertainty**

A/N: Possible Spoilers 'Personal Effects.' Don't own.

_Secrets  
>We've got dreams<br>Mysteries  
>And crazy schemes<br>Secrets  
>We've got dreams<br>Secrets  
>Can't be seen<em>

Shhh someone's coming  
>Shhh be quiet<br>If we get caught  
>Just deny it<p>

_Secrets, The Runaways_

* * *

><p>Holleran, along with Parker met with the team members individually the day after Toth had cleared them for probationary return for duty. Holleran outlined, in very clear terms, the terms on the probation to each member. There was quite a bit of discussion about whether to meet with the team as a whole to discuss the probation or individually, but in the end, given the deeply personal nature of each Toth's requirements they finally decided to handle it individually. If the team decided to share among themselves, that was up to them.<p>

After those meetings, the team was given the following seven days off, which was unprecedented and a clear indication of the understanding that even Holleran knew the damage that Toth had done to the fabric of the team and how frayed it had become in the last twenty four hours.

The team quietly waited for everyone to wrap their individual meetings before they left for their weeklong break from each other. It would be the longest break they had had from each other ever and they all felt somewhat adrift and uncertain. Jules was the first to move, reaching out and hugging Wordy first, then moving to Spike. When she reached for the Sarge, tears came to her eyes and began falling down her cheeks. She quickly hugged Sam and turned and left the group, her hands tucked in her jean pockets, shoulders hunched. She didn't look back.


	3. Chapter 3

With the Hands of Uncertainty

Jules and Sam

A/N: Possible Spoilers 'Personal Effects.' Don't own.

_A secret place in a lover's arms  
>I know a place not far from here<br>It's a secret place  
>Don't keep away<br>Come to the cause  
>Come fuel the fire<br>It's growing  
>Push it down with one hand<br>The other fanning the flames  
>To a rage<br>Of love and hate  
>And of betrayal<br>In each others' arms_

_A Secret Place, Yann Tiersen_

* * *

><p>No matter how they denied their feelings, like water through the fault lines of the team, those feelings seeped through to the surface.<p>

In every look. In every breath. In every touch. In every word.

They were two spiraling strands of DNA, wrapped together as one, unable to be separated without either destroying themselves or destroying the team.

His sandy blonde hair to her nut brown curls.

Her whiskey colored eyes to his cerulean blue ones.

His acknowledgement he was willing to continue their relationship in secret.

His blatant passion for her set against her more subdued love for him.

Her brown doe eyes gazing into his as she placed her complete trust, and her life, in his hands.

His eyes that became storms of blue that shone with hope when he watched her hold a newborn baby.

Her final acceptance that there was no place she would rather be.

And to be together, they would have to betray everyone else.

* * *

><p>AN: These are going to be little snippets of each of the team members and how they are confronting their secrets until we return to Greg once again. As with other stories, reviews keep this story going. If you want to read more, leave one.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N : Don't get excited, this is simply an update, not a chapter. smile

Due to the current witch hunt on this site, I will be moving ALL my stories to AO3 as well as my personal blog cavalierqueen dot wordpress dot com . The blog is somewhat out of date, but I will spend the next week, June 4, 2012, to bring it up to date and begin posting on a regular basis. It will be my regular way of communicating with the public, not just about stories but also about topics of interest, including writing. You can sign-up through RSS feed and through email. I have some invites to AO3, and can get more once I use those. You can email me if you would like one.

I've been through one purge on already and there have been many before this. This sites unwillingness to deal with those that take it upon themselves to police an open forum and bully authors leaves me no choice but to follow my conscience and leave. Both ff net's and these ugly, nasty bullies fall back on the site rules and regulations, but as with copyright laws, if an owner fails to consistently enforce said rules and regulations they are meaningless and the norm become the actual rule. In the hundreds of thousands of stories in ff net, it has become the norm for M rated stories to be NC-17. Therefore, there is no meaning behind the current purge just as with the others.

As for updating some of my 'abandoned' stories, I plan to use those stories as warm-ups and practice as I write my novel. Yes, novel. Fan fiction is an amazing way to get those creative juices flowing. I don't plan to start any new stories, but several of my stories will continue including a Criminal Minds and Flashpoint stories. Depending on this next season of True Blood, I may be inspired to continue a few of those as well. Thank you for your on-going support.


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